Beloved Landmark & Mom's Place

Any set of photos from a trip to Grand Forks just HAS to start with a picture of Widman's, our beloved local chocolate shop. I never visit family without at least one visit to Widman's to pick up some of the goodies about which I'm always telling my Florida friends.

Our Mom lives at Valley 4000 and we're all glad she's there. She's surrounded by people who have become good friends for her, and they all watch out for each other.
Mom has a really nice one-bedroom apartment with a huge kitchen. She also has access to a library, almost constant card-playing, lots of activities, a beauty salon, coffee shop. etc.

On Not Saying Goodbye

When your mother is 87 years of age and you're only able to visit her once a year, you just don't say goodbye when you leave. Instead you say "I'll call you tomorrow" or just plain "I love you."

Sometimes I wish things were still like they were many years ago when family members lived closeby and could visit regularly. But it's just not reality, and just as Steve and I have made a home for ourselves in Florida, Slug and Dick have done the same in Texas. I call Mom about twice a week just to check in with her, and sometimes to ask about a recipe. To this day, she's still the best cook I've ever known!

Small World

In 1967 I was a freshman at Moorhead State University in Moorhead, MN, (Richard Nixon visited the college in 1968 and thanked MoorHOUSE State University for inviting him -- he didn't get a lot of votes from my fellow students) and Jill, my roommate, shared a dorm room in Dahl Hall. Our room had two single beds with a square bed-level table in between. One day I flopped backwards onto my bed and cracked my head on the dresser causing a significant cut on the back of my head. I took myself to the campus physician's office and got several stitches. The physician's name was Jane Magill, MD.

Seven years later I moved to New York City for the first time and applied for work at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in the Employee Health Service. The physician who interviewed me was Jane Magill!!! The same Jane Magill from Moorhead! I got the job and worked there for four years before moving with my second husband to Arizona.

Small world...

Sticking Points

In my previous entry I didn't mean to imply that Mom and I were always as close as we are now.

While I was visiting, Mom recalled a 14-page letter I wrote virtually disowning her as my mother. She wishes she still had it, although I'm not sure why. I'm almost certain that I'm the kid that caused my parents the most worry, although I didn't plan it that way.

I got married right before I graduated from college, and that marriage lasted about a year since I vowed never to live with physical abuse. It's not easy being the first child in the family to get a divorce, especially at the ripe old age of 22.

I married again when I was 25 -- this time to an aspiring actor (Ron)who could be both charming and funny. We stayed together for 11 years when he stopped aspiring to any job, and the resentments inside of me festered nearly to the breaking point. We were unable to have a decent discussion about our problems -- he'd yell and I'd back down. He'd say jump, and I'd say how high. Getting a divorce from him freed me as I'd never been freed before or since.

Then there was Frank. We'd met in NYC in the 70's when I was married to Ron, and by contrast, Frank was sweet, romantic, smart, and very kind and generous. When I finally left Ron, I moved back to NYC where Frank and I eventually lived together for 17 years. He was hired in the 90's by a government agency I'm not permitted to name, and spent a great deal of time overseas. I could deal with his being away, but what I couldn't handle was when he'd come home and talk only of his own experiences, and then go to the neighborhood bar where he could share his exploits with his buddies and feel important.

In retrospect, I probably sensed that we were drifting apart and started to withdraw from him, and he found someone else. Our breakup was mutually heartbreaking. I still care deeply for him although we are no longer in contact.

Along came Steve after I'd had several meaningless flings. Sometimes I wonder if after being hurt by men I made a not-so-conscious decision to act like one of them and have sex for sex sake and leave 'em in the lurch. In the end, it just wasn't ME and I needed someone in my life who counted, who cared, who loved me back, who needed me, who wanted to share my life. That's Steve.

Admiring Mom

I really admire Mom a lot. She's reached her late 80's with more equanimity than the average person has at 60! If she dies tonight, she's ready for it, but if she awakens to a new day tomorrow, she's ready to make it a productive bonus day. She lives with chronic pain and can take no prescription painkillers due to her heart condition, and doesn't even really complain about it -- just sort of mentions it in passing as a bit of an annoyance in her life. She has survived the birth of four children, the loss of one, as well as the loss of her husband and one grandchild; she has survived breast cancer and cardiac bypass surgery for years now. She has been in alcoholism recovery for many, many years. She still worries about "putting people out" with her own needs and continuously thanks anyone who does even the smallest thing for her. She cares a great deal about how she dresses, uses a touch of makeup, and frets about the thinness of her hair.

All of her children are now post-50 years of age, and we're still "the kids", or in the case of my sister and myself, "the girls." She worries about family as much as she did 40 years ago. That just seems to be a permanent part of almost every mother's job description.

There was time on my recent trip to talk with Mom about her relationship with our Dad, growing up in the country as an only child, her friends, those she's lost, her attitude about the ways of today's world, her tremendous faith.

I guess that's probably what I admire the most -- her faith. It's something I don't have much of in my life, but Mom's faith is uncompromising, definite, and does not fluctuate. It provides her with compassion, guidance for others, love of family, no fear of dying.

I'm now decompressing from my trip, seeing the rest of the family, eating wonderful food, running around shopping like idiots, and getting re-fueled by the unconditional love of family. We really have it good.

Remembering When

Remember When
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean
And RAM was the cousin of a goat.

MEG was the name of my girlfriend
And GIG was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess i'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

Ear Trivia

Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't. The chemicals and hormones released when you are afraid could be having unseen effects on your body in the form of earwax. Studies have suggested that fear causes the ears to produce more of the sticky substance, though the reasons are not yet clear.

Your brain leaks when you are afraid? By the way, they have earwax flavored jelly beans. How do they know what it tastes like?

Cluck News!!!

Today is the birthday of Kentucky Fried Chicken? In
1952, Colonel Harland Sanders granted the first KFC franchise
to Pete Harman of Salt Lake City. A handshake agreement
stipulated a payment of a nickel to Sanders for each chicken
sold. And now today, more than a billion of the Colonel's
"finger lickin' good" chicken dinners are served annually in
more than 80 countries and territories around the world! Way to
go, Colonel!

Out of Touch

Sorry I haven't blogged in so long, but there wasn't much to be said, with heavy rain in our area for the past week. Even when it rains steadily here, the humidity barely goes down and it's still stifling.

I'm going to visit Mom this coming Thursday for a week, and Sister Slug will be there too! And I'll finally meet Jules' husband, Tomkin, who I just KNOW is eager to meet me!

Re: JJ -- He has gone back to a different strip club to deejay while waiting to hear from other jobs. We'll see how this goes...
he claims he's not going NEAR any of the girls. Will keep you posted. Maybe I'll have something juicier to report for a change!

Middle Age from the Oprah Show

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too.'

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?'

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective ... You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Who Knew for Friday

The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger. And the nail on the middle finger of your dominant hand will grow the fastest of all. Why is not entirely known, but nail growth is related to the length of the finger, with the longest fingers growing nails the fastest and shortest the slowest.

Courtesy of Oprah

What do feelings have to do with numbers? Most women know that it is possible to immediately gain 15 pounds by eating one pint of Ben & Jerry's. And when it comes to your butt (which can enlarge six sizes in the wrong pair of jeans), the rules of physics no longer apply.

We need a better way to quantify these fluctuations -- a formula that goes beyond your BMI and calculates the feel of overweight. So I propose the personal body image index (PBII).

The general idea is as follows:

• Start with your weight.
• Subtract seven pounds if you have just worked out.
• Add five if you've single-handedly finished a plate of guacamole and chips; four for macaroni and cheese; six for death-by-chocolate cake.
• Subtract 10 pounds if people nearby are fatter than you.
• If you're wearing black pants, subtract two; if in a bathing suit, add eight.
• If you are more than seven years older than the group average or are surrounded by bikini-clad undergraduates with toned stomachs and cellulite-free thighs, add 20.

On Being Hairy

If you think that humans are pretty hairless creatures, you're wrong.

All, we mean ALL, over your body, except for your lips, palms of your hands and soles of your feet are hairs, big and small. By the time you're an adult, you're likely to have about 5 million hairs growing out of your skin -- about the same number as a gorilla! The only difference is that most of a gorilla's hair is thick and long, and most of a human's is so thin and small it is extremely hard to see.