On Calamari and Funnel Cakes

There is no longer any doubt that we have to return Brent's deep fryer. Steve finally had fried calamari (squid) today which was part of his birthday present from me. He went on for hours about how great it was and I just took his word for it. I just can't eat anything that has legs hanging off it, but he thought it was pure heaven.


So then I figured that as long as we had the ingredients, I might as well try funnel cakes. The dough is the same as for zeppoles but with added milk for the right texture. Were they ever habit forming!
I hate two of them, and Steve ate enough that he was lying on the bed moaning afterwards! This has to end!

Courtesy of Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Deep-Fried Birthday

Steve had an enjoyable if quiet birthday which was the way he wanted it. We made zeppoles again and this time they were close to perfect. It's all in the consistency of the batter I've discovered. I had two and Steve had nine!




I got Steve a munchkin book which he loves. He's a real Wizard of Oz freak and the book has some photos he hasn't seen before. It was written by one of the only surviving munchkin actors who's now 93 years old!

Leo stopped by for zeppoles and I'm thinking it's time to return Brent's deep-fryer. It doesn't help when I'm taking drugs to lower my cholesterol!

On the Tractor Supply Store

One probably wouldn't logically think that a tractor supply store would be much of a place to shop, but one would be wrong.

We were directed to this store by our neighbor, Brent, who formerly worked there. His daughter, Hyler, came over one day with gargantuan sunflower seeds he'd bought there and I was hooked! It should be noted that I'm a sunflower seed addict, and it's rare for me to go through an entire day without having them.

To those of you familiar with my hometown, this store would bring to mind the Home of Economy, but without the gift section. They have clothes (jeans, shirts, jackets, boots, etc.), huge bags of all kinds of animal food, everything you could ever want for your garden, blah, blah, blah.

I came home with five one-pound bags of jumbo sunflower seeds! When I looked at the package, they came from Detroit Lakes, Minnesota! I've had so many of them today that my tongue is numb!

The store also has several huge tubs with baby chicks, ducks, etc., and it was fun to watch them fighting over food.

From the Over 30 Crowd

April 17, 2009

Just A Little Humor Today For The Over 30 Crowd
Posted by James
Published in Humor

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning

Uphill… barefoot…

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone cause that’s how we rolled, dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your
chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled l^&%*!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove … Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.
You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

On Fat Cats

Our neighbor Wayne stopped by last night for a quick visit and Ole (my shy black cat)made a brief but fleeting visit just to see which alien was in town. Wayne saw her and said "Hi tubby cat!" Needless to say, Ole was quite put out since she considers herself to be voluptuously endowed rather than tubby.

I've been experiencing hot flashes at night again as I'm winding down on the Prednisone dosages -- this happens every time. The A/C was set on 69 degrees and I couldn't even stand to have a sheet on! Along comes Ole wanting her spot by my head. She circles the area by my head a few times and then doesn't lie down, but collapses on me! Her voluptuous body was just too warm so I had to turn on my side to get her to move. Again, she was quite put out. It's not easy being Ole sometimes.

Beanie, on the other hand, seems to have acquired some personality traits of my late calico, Louella. Louella was affectionately known as The Cat from Hell -- you could pet her twice and on the third attempt you risked life and limb. Beanie does that too now but I'm not sure why. She's extremely territorial and has a favorite napping spot under the kitchen table on a chair closest to our front door. When she's napping and Steve walks by to go out the door, she hisses, spits and lashes out at him. He calls her all sorts of names which seems to encourage her behavior. Sometimes when she sleeps under our bed and he walks by she attacks his leg too! Now she's started the Louella tradition of allowing me only one or two pets before freaking out on me! Maybe she's doing crystal cat meth or something...

Happens all the Time, Right?

(CNN) -- Woody Harrelson defended his clash with a photographer at a New York airport Wednesday night as a case of mistaken identity -- he says he mistook the cameraman for a zombie.

Woody Harrelson says he got into a clash with a photographer because he mistook him for a zombie.

The TMZ photographer filed a complaint with police claiming the actor damaged his camera and pushed him in the face at La Guardia Airport, according to an airport spokesman.

"We're looking into this allegation and if it's warranted, we'll turn it over to the proper authorities," said Port Authority of New York and New Jersey spokesman Ron Marsico.

The photographer, who was not identified, captured the encounter on a small camera after his larger one was broken.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

On the Way Things Happen

So it's last Sunday and I have the chance of a lifetime to hold not only a tiger cub but a lion cub and have my photo taken with both. As if that weren't enough, I get a phone call from Sister Slug that night (right after she talked to Mom) and I'm spooked when I see her on my caller ID 'cause I'm naturally afraid she has something to say about Mom. Instead, she tells me that her husband, Dick, knows she's been going through some loneliness from family stuff and wants to pay for both Steve and I to visit them in Texas!

My natural first response was to have them visit US in Florida since they've never been to our place but we've been to their place in Texas. Slug tells me that they've been unable to find a person to care for their two dogs and cat and that's the reason they've been unable to plan a trip to see Mom in North Dakota, and why it would be simpler if she visited them in Texas. I was freaked out by Dick's generous offer and pointed out that I've won a few things in contests, but nothing more than cat food, spices, or, on one occasion, a $100 gift card to Chili's. I couldn't imagine why Dick would want to shell out funds for us to visit them in Texas.

We got off the phone and Steve and I discussed it -- Steve felt really strange about someone paying for us to visit them, and when I later spoke to Dick he insisted that it was as much for him as it was for us to make this gesture.

We're not completely nuts, so we accepted his offer. I've never been the same since Slug and Dick left Florida, especially since we moved to Florida mostly to be closer to them. I ache sometimes that they moved away -- there will never be anyone like Slug in my life, EVER. I think Dick has come to see this and understands it from Slug's point as well.

So we're going to Texas on 5/4-05/11/09 and I'm delighted! I don't care if we do nothing but play cards and hang out. It couldn't have happened at a better time for my head. The holding of the cubs was terrific, but it could never replace being with Slug for a few days.

It wasn't easy telling Mom about this since all she wants is for both Slug and I to visit. I don't think she understands how much this would cost (about $2,000 for Steve and I includiing airfare, hotel and meals) but I told her about it and also mentioned that it wouldn't affect the funds we're seeing aside to visit her.

I'm so excited about being with Slug and Steve can see this. He says I've been so much more upbeat since I have this to look forward to. There's nothing like sisters to make things better. I almost want to cry when I think about it.

On New TV Shows

I get revved up when I see previews of new TV programs, but I'm not sure why since I'm generally disappointed when I actually see them. Last night was a prime example when "Harper's Island" premiered.

The plot involves a group of people who get together for a wedding by going on a boat to an island where people were killed in the past. The problem for me starts when the groom (who smiles ear to ear throughout the entire program) on the shows looks suspiciously like the nerdy guy detective (Dr. Reed) on "Criminal Minds" and another actor who's supposed to be a local fisherman looks a bit like Jesse who sells crystal meth on "Breaking Bad." As the show goes on, the actor who play Susan's first husband on "Desperate Housewives" appears as the rich and sophisticated father of the bride. Every woman on the show has a perfect body, just like real life, right?

The worst part of it was that I thought I already had every reason in the world to immensely dislike Harry Hamlin, but now I have yet another reason. He has all the talent of Erik Estrada!

Watch at your own risk.

When You've Heard It All

Surgeons Turn Man's Finger Into Computer Memory Stick
Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Plastic surgeons have installed a USB memory stick in the false finger of a 29-year-old computer whiz.

Surgeons developed the gadget after Jerry Javala lost his digit in a motorcycle accident.

The Finnish computer programmer asked doctors in Helsinki to create the removable finger with a memory stick that can be plugged into his computer.

The device contains some of his favorite programs and a copy of the Linux operating system.

"I simply put my finger into the USB port of a computer and pull out the hand if I need it,” Javala explained. “Afterwards the finger goes back on."

On Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan

My favorite animal is the manatee, the sea cow. Have you ever seen that animal? The manatee is endangered, and I think it's because it's out of shape. It looks like a retired football player.

Thieving Cat

On Cats and Men

An interesting tidbit all the ladies out there will love: Did you know a cat's brain is more similar to a man's brain than that of a dog?

Aha! So that explains my cats' slobbiness and selective hearing!

Taken from Leigh Moody's blog on BayNews9 in Florida.

More from Jungle Safari

This was a gargantuan python which I wasn't particularly excited about seeing, but I felt it would be some kind of reptile discrimination if I didn't include his photo.

This is a capuchin monkey and a little devil.
A Roo!!!

Every time I tried to feed any other beast, this goat butted in (literally) and was very aggressive.

We bought cones filled with food and the proceeds go to the animal care.

For some reason, llamas always like me -- maybe we have the same eyes? I wish...

This was some kind of miniature cow apparently having a bad hair day! She was very sweet and slobbered all over my hand when I fed her.

This picture is really for Jules -- there were two lemurs making the weirdest squeaky sounds.

Plantains and My Non-Bucket List

We tried Bionett's plantain lasagne the other night and it was delicious! I never expected to like it either. The plantains were barely noticeable, but gave the dish a very slight sweet taste. I'd highly recommend it, and I'd also recommend getting some Dominican neighbors who love to cook. They bring us all kinds of goodies!

This is Big Daddy, a fully grown tiger and we were allowed to get very close to him. This is part of a traveling zoo called Jungle Safari which I read about in the St. Pete Times. Yesterday was the last day they'd be in New Port Richey in a big tent set up in the parking lot of a local mall.

"

I don't have a bucket list, but if I did, one of the items I'd now be able to cross off would be to hold a tiger cub before I die. Not only did I get to hold a tiger cub, but also a lion cub!
This is Peanut, a five-week-old lion cub - isn't she just precious? She was about the same size as Ole and had the warmest tummy!'
This is Peanut's butt which I thought was too cute not to be included!

This is Tinkerbell, an 11-week-old tiger cub and she's a handful! The handler had to keep distracting her mouth 'cause she wants to play with everyone! Judging from the handler's arm in the next photo, she doesn't kid around with her teeth.

Tinkerbell will grow to about 400 lbs. and Peanut will be about 350 lbs. fully grown. What a great experience! I had to work to keep from crying!

Rejoining the Human Race

I'm feeling much better now -- guess it was a serotonin thing or something.

Went to see my doctor again yesterday because of constant wheezing and she prescribed prednisone and antibiotics yet again. Not smoking is killing me! And no, I have no intention of starting again.

Our neighbor, Bionett, brought up some plantain lasagne last night -- she uses fried plantains, really thin, rather than noodles. It really looks good, although it sounds a little strange. Our neighbors have introduced us to some new and good meals since we've lived here. Will let you know if this is one of them.

It's Not Easy being Me

I've been going through one of my "episodes" where nothing seems like enough. I can't sleep like a normal person, I get up at all hours and read until I can't read anymore, I feel like crying for absolutely no reason.

I have a really good life at this point. I don't have to be anywhere at any appointed time, I can fool around on the computer whenever I want, I can call anyone whenever I want, money's tight but it's not horrible at all -- but with all of this, I still feel sad for no given reason. This hasn't happened to me for literally a few years. It's frustrating and I never know quite what to do about it.

I try to look for reasons for my state of mind -- maybe it's because I've had to be on steroids twice in the past couple of months, maybe the sarcoidosis has kicked up, maybe there's just no reason at all except for my weird brain chemicals. If it's just my brain chemicals it's even more frustrating 'cause it's completely out of my control.

In general, I know that I'm as happy as I've ever been as an adult right now -- I have a good life, a reasonable source of income, Steve's supportive, my cats are healthy, I love where we live -- sometimes I just feel so far away from my family, and that's what really matters to me. Steve tries so hard to understand, but he just doesn't get it. I don't know if anyone could "get" it anyway.

I need to make some changes in my life -- need to get out there and do something meaningful. It's been frustrating having my third bout of bronchitis since I quit smoking -- because of it I can't sleep very long without breaking into coughing spells. So I try three pillows but that's not the answer 'cause I'm just not used to sleeping that way, so I get up and go to the couch and read. At least I'm getting a lot of reading done.

Not being able to sleep normally is one of the premiere signs of an "episode" for me. If I still lived in NYC, I'd call Dr. Gandler and he'd have all kinds of suggestions. Here I have a shrink, but she's so distant and nothing like him. All she does is suggest that I make an appointment with one of the therapists. I saw a therapist in NYC for seven years and she was wonderful, but I finally got to the point where there was nothing left to say, so I told her I didn't need her anymore.

I feel like I've dealt with every possible issue in my life, and yet I still get into these slumps every so often. I know it'll pass, but meanwhile I just feel like crying but don't have the energy to cry. Steve tries to be helpful, but there's nothing he can say that makes a difference.

It'll pass -- it always does.