Woman vs. Man Poetry

----- A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.

Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand..

Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.

I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

vs.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a
bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Addendum to GF Trip

Here are two of my six nieces, Laura and Jules. Hard to believe they're nearly 20 years apart in age. It was great seeing them.

Here's Alex, Renee, Jules and Mom at Tufte Manor.

The only one missing was Mom when the rest of us dined at Paradiso. I had a wonderful seafood enchilada and barely left a crumb on the plate!!!



Jules stayed with her long-time friend, Brenda, and Brenda has one of the greenest thumbs I've ever seen! Her yard is a spectacle of gorgeous plants and flowers! She has a beautiful blue-eyed dog among other beasts too!




Of course I made my requisite visit to Cabela's and Widman's to pick up some goodies for Steve. Got him a Moose Muffin, a Cow Pie, and a few other items at Widman's -- they were really good...uhh...I mean he TOLD me they were really good. I found some maple ham jerky at Cabela's that he really likes.

Famiy and Friends (cont'd)

Here's Mom and I'm happy to say she's alive and doing quite well at 88 years of age. Her memory is no worse than mine and she still enjoys visiting, reading, crocheting, doing puzzles, watching the Twins play, or catching up on the national news in the evening. She was the primary reason for this trip, as well as seeing the rest of the family since we live all over the country now.

We invariably laugh a lot when we're together, as well as still learning something about one another with each visit.

Mom has survived breast cancer and cardiac bypass surgery, as well as alcoholism, and we're all really proud of her. I really can't imagine my life without her in it someday, but I'm sure she felt that way about her parents too. I couldn't possibly love her any more than I already do.

Family and Friends (cont'd)

Slug and Jules (mostly Jules who's almost anally organized) prepared a birthday party for Barb, Brenda and myself at Happy Joe's. We laughed until it hurt!!! Gifts, pizza (one of the best taco pizzas I've ever had) cake and ice cream ruled!

I got a whole lot of really cool gifts from Slug, and some cool and some very strange gifts from Jules, my personal favorite being the sour cream and garlic crickets. We left right before the serving staff booted us and spent some time at Barb's chatting and laughing. What a fun night!


I took the liberty of re-gifting an elegant Sturgis Rally cup and some Nascar stickers to Alex, as well as a bottle of bubbles that I didn't think would travel well. Steve lots the "Strange but True" book, and I now have a book of Jello recipes when I get the urge.

Started on the WW diet Sunday counting points, making sure I save enough at the end of the day to finish off my Nut Goodies!

To be continued...

Family and Friends

It's always great to see family and friends again and this trip proved it! We even got to see our aunt and uncle, Ralph and Lou, and they're always fun people.

Slug and I rented a car together and stayed in Mike and Renee's guest room. The room was cool and quiet, except for Slug's snoring which she claims she doesn't do.


They have a really warm, comfortable and cozy house with is truly a home and we felt really welcome there, and we're thankful that they let us invade their space. Their yard is looking beautiful too with all the work they've done preparing and planting.



Of course, it's really Sadie and Winnie's house and they let them live there! They are the sweetest dogs!



We played SkipBo, hung out on the deck, ate a lot, made s'mores, enjoyed Renee's homemade brandy slushes, and the time flew by! They seem to have a good life with everything they need and a lot of what they want, and a good relationship -- what more can you ask?

To be continued...

Back to Florida!

After two airport delays, I finally arrived in Florida about two hours late on Wednesday night. Got my luggage and went outside to get the Super Shuttle home, and the humidity was just as high as when I left! When I left GF, it was 60 degrees outside and I lingered outside the GF airport just to get a chill!

Have lots of photos to blog, but I had a great time and it was particularly good to see Mom. At 88, she seems to be doing pretty good, but no one can be sure. She tends to do more hibernating in her room than the family might prefer, but she keeps herself reasonably busy with reading, crocheting, doing puzzles, etc., and she has no more memory loss than I do!

Back atcha later!

Spanish Moss and a Silly Week

You can see all the Spanish moss on the trees around us. Slug taught me about Spanish moss when I first visited Florida in 1993; in fact, she pointed it out every single time she saw it!!!

Here's something you don't see often -- a dinosaur in a tree! Steve's creation -- he wanted to see if anyone would notice...

This bird was perched on the fence outside but I don't know what kind it is. Do you?

Monday Steve didn't have to work so we went to the post office to return some Netflix movies and then went to Dairy Queen, one of my favorite places. Steve had two hotdogs (who in their right mind orders only hot dogs at DQ?) and I had a caramel and marshmallow sundae. I was complaining about how they didn't give me enough caramel when suddenly Steve grabbed my sundae and got me another dose of caramel. Sometimes living with a big-mouth New Yorker is a good thing. We bought a box of Heath Dilly bars for our evening snack too.


Today we went to the Good Connections Thrift Shop and I got 12 books! Now I'm stocked up for awhile.

Ah Families

Our family has a tradition that whenever someone has a birthday which thrusts them into a new decade they send that person the nastiest anti-aging cards possible. I've already gotten several nasty cards from Sister Slug (who I might add is 2.5 years older than me), and one of my six nieces -- the one spawned by Sister Slug. I will be turning a very youthful 60 this month and they feel the need to mock me. Apparently Brother Mike is a tad (emphasis on TAD) more intelligent than them because he only mocks me on Facebook and doesn't need to spend money on cards to do so. It's never been easy having my whole family jealous of my beauty, talent, etc. but I've learned to live with it.

Two days ago in the mail I got a bright yellow postcard that said in very bold letter, "Senior Burial Insurance Information" -- I'm at the point where I'm wondering which one of them had this sent.

The only consolation in this quest for evil by decade is that fact that hopefully I'll still be alive when each one of them approaches another decade. And, by the way, my sister's spawn is approaching the ripe old age of 40 very soon...

Strange Brew

Brewed Awakenings: The World’s 4 Weirdest Coffees

by guest BLOGSTAR - July 31, 2009 - 9:44 AM By Gregory Peduto

From beans plucked from cat poop to coffee flavored with monkey spit, java aficionados ingest some nutty stuff in the name of finding the ultimate buzz. These caffeine-imbibing daredevils are constantly on the lookout for the most exotic varieties of beans that combine the best taste, smoothest flavor, and the wackiest backstory. Here are just a few of the most exciting blends they love to brew over.

1. Good to the Last Dropping

The Indonesian drink known as Kopi Luwak or civet coffee might be the rarest cup of joe on the planet, and for good reason. Made from the feces of a coffee bean munching cat, this Southeast Asian brew has one of the most unique flavor on earth. But why drink the stuff? According to a study conducted by Massimo Marcone of Guelph University, enzymes in the cat’s digestive tract alter the bean’s proteins. And since proteins control bitterness, the civet coffee has no acidic taste. The bigger question is: How safe is it to use coffee beans plucked from cat poop?

Quite safe, apparently. Farmers wash the droppings before roasting them at 400 degrees Fahrenheit. But the process does make Kopi Luwak the most expensive coffee on the planet. Prices range from $50 a cup to $600 a pound. For anyone gutsy enough to try it, the beans can be purchased from Animal Coffee. Of course, the brew isn’t without its critics. Some folks think the musky flavor imparted by the cat’s anal glands make the drink taste like, well, crap.

2. Vanilla Flavored Monkey Spit

On the island of Taiwan, coffee farmers let caffeine-crazed monkeys do the work for them. Once the bane of the plantation, bean thieving Formosan Rock Monkeys raided farms in search of their next buzz. The pests destroyed whole crops by sucking on coffee cherries and spitting out the pits, that is until a local peasant learned to work with the creatures. The farmer discovered that the monkey-sucked beans possessed a distinct vanilla flavor. Coffee lovers go bananas for the monkey spit brew and its fantastic aftertaste, but consumers should prepare for sticker shock.

Monkey java is rarer than Kopi Luwak and prices can be as high as $27 for 8 ounces. With harvests that range from as little as 8lbs to 600lbs a year, Formosan monkey joe is virtually unavailable in the U.S., but Paradise Roasters offers a close cousin: a bean sucked and spit by an Indian rhesus monkey.

3. That Perfect Monsoon Taste

For those who prefer a drink that’s never entered an animal’s digestive tract, Indian Monsoon Malabar might be the ticket. Back in the days of sailing ships, unroasted beans shipped from the Malabar region were subjected to a constant wetting and drying process during the long journeys to Europe. The steady moisture gave these beans a world-renowned spicy flavor. But when coal steamers cut shipping times in half, the shorter journeys eliminated the aging process and killed the taste. Thankfully, some clever Indian farmers quickly figured out the secret. They started leaving harvested coffee cherries in sacks during the monsoon season in order to replicate this flavorful bouquet. So, what exactly is the taste of monsoon in your coffee? Anyone with seven bucks to spare can pick up some beans here.

4. Brazil’s Answer to Big Cat Coffee

The Indonesian coffee beans munched by the civet cat are derived from the robusta bean, a low cost filler crop. Brazilian planters, on the other hand, start with the finest Arabica beans on earth. But how do they compete with the big cat’s digestive process? In trying to solve the problem, Brazilians turned to a local bean stealing pest, the jacu bird, a plump flying Amazonian turkey. Unlike civet poo, jacu dung removes the bitterness without imparting the manure flavor, and the drink is a relative steal at $13 a pound.